Thursday, June 14, 2018

A Canadian Siri, Eh?

Siri the virtual assistant from Apple iphones comes with a selection of English accents: American, Australian, and British. Glaringly missing from that list is a Canadian accent. I thought it might be fun to imagine what a Canadian Siri might have to say. So here goes:

Siri: Good Day, eh! What can I do you for?
Me: Can you please tell me a Newfie joke?
Siri: Oh no, so sorry! I am not programmed to make jokes that could offend anyone.
Me: I'm so sorry I asked. How about some Canadian music?
Siri: I could play some Anne  Murray, or Rita Macneil for ya.
Me Anne Murray, please.
Siri: Okay, and you have yourself a nice day,eh?
Me: Thank you!
Siri: No problem.

Okay, so it isn't exactly comedy, but it's polite.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Head Start to Heaven

This posting is more sombre than the material I usually post here. I wrote this poem for my Mom for Mother's Day a few years ago. She passed away July 27, 2007 at the far too young age of 61. 

Head Start to Heaven

There is an empty place at the table

Holidays just aren’t the same without you.
We thought you’d be here for this golden year
But you needed a head start to Heaven.

There is much we still wanted you here for
And so much you still wanted to do.
We don’t understand how this fits in God’s plan
Why you needed a head start to Heaven.

Was there an empty seat at God’s table?

Did He need you there more than here?
I guess we’ll just wait to know until our turn to go
Why you needed a head start to Heaven.

With all my love;

Amen. My Father joined Mom in Heaven on July 28, 2015 at the age of 70. We miss both of you. Save us a seat at the table for the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018


On those TV ads for seniors' dating sites; the whole point of the site is find someone your own age. At the end of the commercial there is a voice over: "Must be 18+ to apply".
Outta my way! I'm going to the computer room to find me a young'un! Anybody know how to work those computers? How do ya get that young'un outta the computer? I need a nice young man to scrape my bunions!

Warning label from the pharmacist on a bottle of sleeping pills: "MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. Use caution when driving or using dangerous equipment.
Who are these people who take sleeping pills, and then drive to work on a construction site? 

The labels on those non-dairy coffee whiteners say they contain "edible oil" products.
If the company that makes them feels the need to tell me that their product is edible . . .I am just glad that I take my coffee black. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

My Back Hurts

I've been having a lot of back pain lately. Added to everything that already hurts from Parkinson's, fibromyalgia, and arthritis, having a muscle spasm in my back is just like the last nail in the coffin some days.

My back wasn't too bad this morning, but then I decided to shower. I've  been so tired lately that I get exhausted just running the water. 

 I want to get back into the habit of doing my physiotherapy exercises in the shower, so after I rinsed off  I put the plug the in tub and let the tub fill while I did my standing exercises, and then I did my sitting exercises in warm water. I wasn't going anywhere this morning, so I had time to turn on the jets for a tubby time. 

While I was just sitting in the tub, I decided to clean the shampoo caddy. My daughter does most of my cleaning, but I said I would clean my bathroom. My tub is so big that you pretty much have to get in it to clean so it just makes sense for me to do it since I am in there anyway.

So while I was at it, I thought I might as well clean all of the shampoo ledges, and while I had the baking soda out, I might as well clean all of the tub surround, and then I thought of doing the tub jet cleaner system, which needs to go in warm water. I hadn't used conditioner in my hair yet, and that would make the water foam too much, so I got out of my tub, poured the jet cleaner stuff in, and turned on the jets for a half hour. In the meantime I went to the shower in the other bathroom to put my conditioner in, and while I was there I cleaned my tub mat. Then I went back to my bathroom to wipe the cleaner residue down and refill the tub with cold water to rinse. 

Then I got dressed, and now my back hurts again. Getting showered and dressed is sure a lot of work.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Is it Just Me . . .?

Is it just me, or:

  • Is the floor getting farther away every year? It's getting to be harder to pick stuff up. I don't know what kind of phenomena this is, but my feet are farther away too.

  • Are they making the small print smaller? This has got to be a conspiracy of  enormous proportions, because small print is getting smaller on everything: pill bottles, directions on labels, all of the buttons on my phone, and the dashboard of the car. The conspiracy is getting so widespread that my computer is affected. I used to use a 10 or 12 point size from most fonts, but now that they have changed size I can't even see the 10 point, never mind read it! I have to use a 12 or 14.

  • Have they put a  sensor on computers that prompts the unit to go to sleep as soon as the user comes back from a break? I don't know how often, but too much to be just a coincidence, the screen fades to black as soon as I sit down.

So is it just me, or are other people noticing conspiracies and coincidences going on around them?

Friday, February 16, 2018

Friday Fun Facts

Five Fun Facts for Friday:
     (If you are reading this on any day that isn't Friday, read it anyway, these five facts will still be factual and fun).

1. If you are reading this, it means that you are literate.

2. If your parents had no children, it is a verifiable biological fact that you will not have any children either. I shared this fact with a friend who was having trouble getting pregnant and she made a connection right away, because her parents also couldn't have children. It was, however the wrong conclusion. She and her brother were adopted.

3. A watched pot will never boil until you turn on the correct element of the stove.

4. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

5. We are already living in the future: Today is yesterday's tomorrow, and that is true if today is Friday or not.

Monday, February 12, 2018

No Kill Shelters

          Okay, I confess: I am the Quintessential Crazy Cat Lady. I can’t imagine life without cats. My hubby and our girls are all cat lovers too.  Shortly after we were married, Derek surprised me when he came home with a kitten hidden inside his jacket. My heart melted when he opened his jacket and asked, “Can we keep her?” That was the first of many, many cats loved in our home.

          They haven’t all been keepers though. We had to give away a beautiful long-haired cat when Kalene was two and she had a rash on her face that our pediatrician said was likely a reaction to the cat.

          As much as I love cats, I love my children more. I have a friend who has nine or ten cats in her house, and she says she loves her cats more than her kids. (Her kids are all grown up, don’t call Child and Family Services).  We have provided palliative care over the years to a couple of sick cats and the third grade hamster, but I don’t feel a calling to turn our home into a rescue shelter. Not that I have anything against animal rights activists, that’s just not my personal cause.

          I do think it very sad when animal shelters have to euthanize animals because there are just too many. Some shelters now are just refusing to take in any more when they are full. I don’t know which would be more heart wrenching: turning them away when there is no more room at the inn, or having to put down some of them. Some shelters recruit families to provide foster homes for animals. The shelter provides pet food and pays vet bills, so the tax payers get the bill. A much better solution would be for people to get their pets spayed or neutered, especially in cities, but we know that is highly unlikely to happen any time soon.

          If you are still reading this post, I think it would be safe to assume that you love, or at least tolerate animals. So what would you say to the idea of a clinic where all that they did was euthanize unwanted pets?  No shelter, no foster families, no adoption – just the needle. Wouldn’t that be an awful place to work?

          I love animals, but I value people more. That is why I am so passionate about pro-life issues. From conception to the end, and in between, disabled, sick, or depressed – people matter, and I am angry that our government is legislating abortion and euthanasia and calling it a human right. The right to terminate human life when it is inconvenient or burdensome should not be an option in a civilized country.

          It is not just a ‘religious thing’ to take a stand against abortion and euthanasia; it is a human rights issue.  If we are outraged to see animals neglected or abused, how much more should we be angry when humans are killed just so we don’t have to be responsible for their care?