Saturday, January 17, 2015

Top Five List of Stuff That Should Never Be Invented, Ever.

I have written lots of articles about stuff that has been invented, like What's an Eight Track?
And then there is this one about stuff that Hollywood prop makers thought up decades before they were invented for real:Science Fiction to Science Fact

But how about an article about things that would best be left on the imagination, like:

1. A TV commercial that follows you to every channel that you click to . . . you can’t escape . . . somebody paid good money to put that commercial on TV and you are going to watch the whole damn thing and you will like it, and as soon as your show is over, you are going to the mall to buy whatever it is I am selling! (Unless you can buy it online, in which case you can order it  during the next commercial).

2.  A credit card reader that calls your spouse instead of the credit card company if you try to buy anything over $100.00.

3.   Along the same lines as #2 – remember the old days when the cashier had to call your credit card company? If your card was declined, the cashier was instructed to take out a pair of scissors and destroy your card in your presence. 
Well, the new card readers - I guess they are not really ‘new’ anymore, but when they were new, I had this thought that if a card was declined, instead of having the cashier dramatically cut the card with scissors, maybe the card reader thingy would just suck the card in and keep it. Then, in a voice like Seinfeld’s ‘Soup Nazi’ it could say "No shopping for you today!"  Or it could use a very soothing female voice,and say: “I’m sorry. Your card has been declined. Go home and pay your bills, Sweetie!”

4.  A fridge (or pantry) that makes you weigh in first, and then only allows access to what you are allowed, like the fruit and veggie drawer, or maybe a two-bite brownie if you have lost a pound or more.

5.  A word processor program for writers that will not allow you to open Facebook until you have written at least 500 words of original text.

Remember: this list was for stuff that we don’t want invented. Ever.

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