Artificial Life

It could be just a conspiracy, but I have come to suspect that life here in North America is artificially sustained. Have you observed this? Here are a few clues:

Do you know where your food has been? Has hunting and gathering been replaced with Spam and Tang? 

Do you eat food from plants, or has it been manufactured in a plant?


Do you use cleaning products that contain real lemons for that "lemony fresh scent" while your food contains artificial flavors and colours?



Can you leave a loaf of bread on the counter for two weeks before it starts to get mouldy?

Do you have to buy vitamins and nutritional supplements  to replace the nutrition that has been processed out of your food?


I remember the first time that my kids made the connection that the chicken on the table was actually a bird. We went to a luau once, and my kids were horrified that we were going to eat a dead pig. 

I think that cartoons with personified farm animals were created to turn kids into vegetarians. Except for McDonalds hamburgers of course. 

Who Moved the Floor?

          What is up with down?

     Nobody warns you about this stuff. I remember talk about how older people tend to get shorter -- something about your spine . . . disks shrinking . . . the bones of your vertebrae shifting or something . . . and I'm pretty sure that I have lost some height while gaining some width; so the floor should be closer now -- so why does it seem like the floor is farther away every time I have to bend down to pick something up? Have you noticed this too?

     And if I am getting shorter, why are my toes so far away? I'm sure that it used to be a lot easier to cut my toenails too. For quite some time now I haven't been able to reach my pinkie toenails at all. Is anyone else having this problem? 

    As if that all isn't enough, chairs are getting lower! It didn't used to be nearly this difficult getting out of a chair, and I am sure that I used to be able to sit down with a lot more grace . . . .

    Is this you too?
     

    

     

Is This You Too?

Ever realize that you have been surfing the net for an hour, procrastinating the dozens of tasks that ought to be done already, just because you hear a 'ping!' and you tell yourself that this time you are just going to check  Facebook Messenger to find out who pinged you, because you feel guilty about all of the stuff you should be doing, but whoever is sending you a message might need an answer right away, or it could be a very important message, who knows who could have sent it, so you will just stop at the computer for a minute or two, and then you will get back to the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, or whatever;

 and then . . .

[pause for breath here ....]


 --  you remember that the reason you stopped at the computer was to check messenger -- and you haven't done that yet?

Been there, Done that???

Justice, Equality, and Water for All!

The other day, while Derek and I were having lunch in a little Chinese restaurant in the city, we witnessed an injustice perpetrated against a woman of no visible minority. I'm pretty sure she was blond. Then again, I am not very observant and I forget details almost before I see them. I would make a lousy witness. But this woman made quite an impression.

She was dining alone, and seemed a bit agitated. Suddenly she jumped up and stomped to the back of the restaurant.We didn't mean to eavesdrop, but in that tiny room there was no way to not hear.

She was irate over water. Seriously. The waitress had come by with water a couple of times and topped off our glasses. She did the same for the two people at the table next to ours, but for whatever reason, she skipped the table where this woman had been sitting. The irate woman wanted to speak with the manager because the waitress didn't offer her more water.

The manager, the waitress, and the kvetcher all made their way to the front of the restaurant. The waitress pointed out the half full glass of water on the table. The manager asked what the problem was. Apparently the customer was the 'glass half empty' type. She complained that everyone else in the restaurant (all four of us) had our water glasses topped up, while hers remained half empty. In her own defence, the waitress protested that the woman had not asked for more water. There was no deliberate attempt to deprive one of her customers of water.

The manager asked the woman why she had not asked for more water, and if she still wanted some. The explanation? The customer accused the waitress of discrimination against her, pouring fresh water for all of the other diners without asking if they wanted more. Why should she have to ask? All that she wanted was equality.

For water. In Canada, where water is free and plentiful.
First World Problems. Seriously, people.

Write by the Numbers

My rant for the day is brought to you by the numbers 58 or 59, and 95; and by the letter Q.

Digits are everywhere! But although I routinely scored in the 99th percentile in the Canadian Tests of Basic Skills when I was in grade school, I don't belong in this digital world. Just like when I finally found the film for my photographic memory, everyone else had gone digital. Figures.

Like, how can I have 95 followers on Instagram, when I have never signed up? Did someone sign up on my behalf? That's scary! A leader with no followers is just a guy out taking a walk, but 95 followers with no leader? That would be anarchy. I have nothing against Instagram, I am just so busy wasting time on Facebook and Twitter, I already have e-mail and g-mail, plus I have three blogs on Blogspot and one on Wordpress, and I am still pretending that I am working on my next book, when my brain turns into three-day-old oatmeal mush heated up in the microwave without any raisins ... so I am diligently ignoring Instagram and Pinterest like anything with a pentagram, which is nonsense I just made up.

And what's up with my Facebook page? For weeks now, Facebook has been sending me messages informing me that the 59 people who like Karen Lucille Gross's facebook page haven't heard from me in a while ... Now today I got one that says that 58 people who like Karen Lucille Gross's facebook page haven't heard from you in a while ... What's the deal with that? Did someone take back their "like"? Has one of you given up on ever hearing from me?

The letter Q is a bonus - take for it whatever you want. Just don't forget to bring a U for every Q that you take.

Thinks by Me

Thinks I Thunk and Stashed Away . . .

       ~ Today I let them Out to Play!

A few thoughts, wise or otherwise, from my collection of random thunks:

Crazy how the advice we glean from that ubiquitous, all-knowing but ever anonymous source known only as ‘they’ changes direction and course like Cher changes costumes during a concert gig. And somehow public opinion sways with ‘them’, matching tempo and stride so that the wisdom du jour maintains continuity without missing a beat as the camera pans stage left to stage right, and the viewing audience at home thinks it all forward progress.

Q: Who is more honest: atheists or Christians?

I think that anyone who knows what he/she believes about God, whether atheist or Christian, has done some thinking about the big questions of life, and they are perhaps more honest than someone who has never plumbed the depths of his/her own soul. I know a lot of Christians who used to be atheists, so it is possible that when you get to the bottom of your own soul you can look back and realize that there is a huge vacuum where God belongs. It just depends on which side of eternity you take that backward glance that determines your eternal destination.

 God will lift you up from the muck and mire,
          But don’t expect Him to pluck you off your Lazyboy recliner.

Cloning a creature is not a sign that scientists have created life. It’s plagiarism.

The Weirdness Factor

People do weird things, and exceptionally weird people do exceptionally weird things. I take exception to that! But I am finding that my weirdnesses are not as uniquely weird as I thought they were. Can you relate?

Do you monitor the wobble of the celery in your fridge to see if it is ready to throw out yet?

How about checking for mould in the jam that no one in the family likes? I can't throw out a jar of perfectly good jam just because no one is going to eat it. I have to wait until it starts to go bad before I can toss it!

How many of us hang on to stuff we don't like and have no use for just because it was a gift? That's one of the excuses I have for my hoarding.

One of my many weaknesses is my book collection. Logic would dictate that I buy ebooks. They don't take up space (except in cyber space, which must be getting extremely cluttered by now); they are easier to read; and they cost less. But I refuse to be dictated to by logic! I want the ebook to read and the paper book to add to my collection.

Funny coincidence: I just glanced at my bookcase and saw my college textbook for Logic. Good thing it just sits there and doesn't dictate anything to me anymore.