Muddling through the Murky Middles

You know you are middle aged when . . .

     . . . you realize that you have not become your mother after all. Somehow, you skipped right into becoming your grandmother!

     . . . you and your friends have stopped one-upping each other's horror stories from labour pains and the delivery room, and have been  comparing notes on your collection of ailments and  syndromes.

         . . .  you still buy the sexy nightie, but now you wonder how it will look with your incontinence brief underneath.


        . . . . Your back and your knees plead with you to stay home, but your bank account says you have to go to work.  

Here's to all of us muddling  through the murky middles. Soon enough we will be joining the grey hair crowd, but for now, what happens at the hair salon is still magic.

People in the Middle Ages

You know that you are hitting the Middle Ages . . .

 . . .when you start laughing at jokes like this, instead of rolling your eyes.

 If you clicked on this post because you thought it would be about  medieval fairs, 
I am sorry, but you are in the wrong blog.
Kindly move along. You don't want to know this stuff yet.
(Your time is coming soon enough.)

Middle age kinda sneaks up on you, doesn't it?
Like when you realize that people your age are becoming grandparents.
Grandparents used to be old;
But now they are middle aged, just like you!

If your middle starts to muddle,
 And you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror when you get out of the shower.
 and what you see frightens you so much
that you run the hot water until the mirror gets fogged up properly.
You may be hitting middle age.

You know that you are hitting middle age
When you do the math and realize that your age times two equals more than 100.
If you had to use a calculator to do that math, you are probably not middle aged.
You are either a millennial, or a 5-year-old prodigy at reading but not math.

If you had to use a calculator to figure out how old you are, 
you might be hitting middle age.

You know you are hitting middle age
When you realize that you went from being:
 a wanna beto a has been,Without ever just

... being....

If you suspect that you might be Middle Aged,

And have not yet been what you wanted to be; 

You might still have time! 

I always wanted a career in a medical field, 

And now I am a full time patient!

(It's not the most lucrative medical field, But hey -- life is about more than money, right?)

(plus that's just a joke. I wanted to be a teacher, and I got to be one, just not for as long as I had planned) 

(And by the way, if you can read this, then maybe you are not middle aged yet after all!)

Really?

On those TV ads for seniors' dating sites; the whole point of the site is find someone your own age. At the end of the commercial there is a voice over: "Must be 18+ to apply".
Really?
Outta my way! I'm going to the computer room to find me a young'un! Anybody know how to work those computers? How do ya get that young'un outta the computer? I need a nice young man to scrape my bunions!






Warning label from the pharmacist on a bottle of sleeping pills: "MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. Use caution when driving or using dangerous equipment.
Really?
Who are these people who take sleeping pills, and then drive to work on a construction site? 






The labels on those non-dairy coffee whiteners say they contain "edible oil" products.
Really?
If the company that makes them feels the need to tell me that their product is edible . . .I am just glad that I take my coffee black. 

Friday Fun Facts

Five Fun Facts for Friday:
     (If you are reading this on any day that isn't Friday, read it anyway, these five facts will still be factual and fun).


1. If you are reading this, it means that you are literate.

2. If your parents had no children, it is a verifiable biological fact that you will not have any children either. I shared this fact with a friend who was having trouble getting pregnant and she made a connection right away, because her parents also couldn't have children. It was, however the wrong conclusion. She and her brother were adopted.

3. A watched pot will never boil until you turn on the correct element of the stove.

4. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

5. We are already living in the future: Today is yesterday's tomorrow, and that is true if today is Friday or not.

Just Some Random Thinks I Thunk Up

Ever notice that when someone asks you a question, and your answer is prefaced with something like: "Well, I'm not sure, but I think maybe ...", your questioner will invariably ask, "Are you sure about that?"


I used to say that I had a photographic memory, but it was perpetually out of film. Then, I found the film, but in the meantime everyone else had gone digital.


When I am looking for something, it is almost always in the first place that I look. I just couldn't see it the first two or three or seven times that I looked there.


Speaking of looking for things, ever notice that Mom can always find stuff that the rest of the family can't see? At our house, we called that magical power "Mommy Eyes".


My husband has a magical power too. Whenever we can't get something mechanical or technical to function, we have to wait until Dad comes home. He is like the Appliance Whisperer. He can just push the same buttons that we've been trying all day, and the blasted thing does exactly what it is supposed to do.


Technological stuff is getting so much more multi-functional as the workings get smaller and smaller. Watches, for example. My daughter has one of those fit bit watches. It can track the number of steps she takes in a day, how many stairs she climbs, how many calories she works off. It takes her pulse and monitors her fitness. If she were to have a heart attack one day, she will probably have a watch that with a defibrillator built in, it just won't be able to call 911.


Ever notice that kids put their shoes on the wrong foot almost every time? You would think that according to the laws of probability they would get it right 50% of the time, but they don't learn probability laws in school until at least the ninth grade.


It's amazing how fast we lose our mathematical skills as soon as we turn in that cap and gown. I got almost all straight A's in math, but now I spend an embarrassing amount of time staring at the prices in the cereal aisle trying to figure out if the sale price on the small package is a better deal than the regular price of the value size.


And speaking of grocery shopping, we were at the grocery store the other day, and Hubby asked me if we were out of tuna. I said I wasn't sure, but I think that maybe we were down to the last one or two cans. So he asked me, "Are you sure about that?"