Parkinson's is a Fascinating Disease

I didn't choose this disease. I don't know why God chose to either choose it for me, or allow it to attack me, but for whatever reason, I've got it. And that's just what is. Like Derek saying when he was dying from a horrible cancer, "It is what it is." As far as I know, he never complained or questioned God. At the start, he was sure that God wouldn't let him die first, because he was committed to taking care of me. But he was wrong.

The main difference between Derek and me was that he expected positive results from whatever he did and he was always sure that he was right. And he usually was. I always expected negative results from whatever I tried to do, and usually failed spectacularly. I was almost always unprepared for whatever I was responsible to do, and never understood why I couldn't just be more like Derek. He also could never understand why I couldn't be more like him.

I think I finally understand. It was how he was raised. It was genetic and/or his mother's positivity about whatever she took on and her expectation that he would excel at whatever he tried.

I was raised differently. It is also genetic and/or environment and my father's expectations of me. (In Derek's family his mother was the dominant parent, in mine it was my father.)

My dad was always sure that I would never succeed, Not that he lowered the bar for me, or didn't have the expectation that I ought to excel at everything, he just knew that I wouldn't. And he was usually right.

It didn't really dawn on me that Derek turned out like his mom and I turned out like my dad, and it wasn't anybody's fault. We can't even blame our parents, because they were just the result of their parents genetics and environments and so on all the way back from the very first parents.

I realize that the title of this blog does not reflect the content. I planned to write about Parkinson's, but I went off on a rabbit trail and then bunny trails naturally follow. My normal response would be to either erase the content and start over, or to change the title to reflect the content. But the definition of stream of consciousness writing is to let your brain go and write whatever you are thinking.

My thoughts change content continually, and my brains were scrambled like eggs even before Parkinson's. I will tell you about how fascinating a disease it is tomorrow. I think I will call it something like "Blame your Parents, And then Get Over It." And that's my time folks. There are lots of other Random Thinks I have Thunk, and I will try to share some of the less bizarre creations with you folks, all two of you. Godspeed.